18 and creeping along

We are currently number 18 on the wait list. Watching my sister go through the adoption process 2x, I knew it was going to be rough and that the waiting was hard. I also planned on crying a lot because that's what I did while we waited for Sophie and Micah to come home and honestly, crying what I do....but I'm surprised that I haven't been doing that with this baby. I feel like I'm constantly pushing the thought of my baby out of my head. Because once I start thinking about her I'm not going to be able to stop....yeah, I knew I shouldn't have started writing this...now I'm crying.

Anyway, I'm excited...I know we are eventually going to get her...I know this isn't a long wait compared to some. But it's a really weird thing not know or be able to plan for the arrival of my baby. I think it's also been strange because the first couple of months referrals were coming in quickly and things have been so slow lately. Although 18 is better than 25 which we started at...it's still 18.

Also, reading the listserve always throws me for a loop too. People not passing court...not being able to travel to get their baby and the abandoned baby issues. Lots of hard stuff. It's just hard. The adoption process is hard.

I trust that the Lord's timing is perfect. I'm thankful that He has shown that to me in the past. Times when I think I have the best plan, He changes it and as it turns out, He was right! His ways are perfect and so is His timing. I can and will trust Him.

Is it healthy to not think of a baby and just focus on the number we are on? Probably not, but I think that's what's helping me keep sane during the wait. As with everything else in my life, I need to work on balancing things out.