Mommy Confession-- I don't want what's best for my kids

There's an attention getter for you!

I have moments where I second guess myself and my choices, recently-- "Should I really be homeschooling these boys?" My boys are smart, and I'm not just saying that because I'm their momma. They pretty much taught themselves how to read and they can soak up insane amounts of information. I'm not saying that they are smarter then everyone else's children, but they are pretty bright kids. So, I have moments when I think are we doing what's best for them? Should they be in an actual school, where people who get paid to teach them and are not constantly distracted by toddler girls and the desire for more coffee. Is this what's best for them?

Then I thought.... I don't care about what's best for them. Ultimately I do care, but as a Jesus-loving momma, I care about showing them Christ and that means me following Christ. And right now I feel like this is where He's leading. So my job isn't to do and figure out what's best for my kids but rather to point them to Christ. Now, don't get me wrong-- this is not a blog post about how homeschooling is best and that every Jesus loving parent should homeschool. It's exactly the opposite, everyone should experience Christ and figure out what that looks like in their family.

Speaking of experiencing Christ. Caleb has been struggling with some fear issues. He's got macho man type tendencies and instead of telling

us he's afraid of something he changes the subject and uses distraction techniques to avoid the issue. Tonight I put the girls to bed then went out with some friends. Before I left the boys were well on their way to snoozeland so I figured they'd be sleeping when I got home. I walk in the door and Michael says "you have to deal with him, I'm done." To which I laughed because I used that phrase many times when comes home from work about any given child. :)...I digress.

So I got Caleb out of bed, sat him down and said let's talk about what you're afraid of. He says poisonous bugs (ok, really?). So I go the route of 'there's no poisonous bugs in our house you are completely safe'. He wasn't buying it so I said 'who made bugs? who made you? who can take care of all your needs?' 'God, God, God.' He knew the answers but I could tell it wasn't going to make a difference in his mind tonight. So I told him to get in bed and that I'd come lay down with him in a minute.

Meanwhile I prayed. What makes the difference in my life when I'm stressed or tired or scared. Experiencing .Christ. makes .the .difference. When I'm stressed I think - the Lord has faithfully gotten me through many crazy times in the past. When I'm tired I think - the Lord longs for me to rest in him.

So I climbed into Caleb's bed and we spent some time remembering the cool things Jesus did while he was on the earth. Healing people, calming storms, loving the unloved, defending the defenseless, feeding the hungry and other stuff. We talked about how Jesus was with Caleb all the time and he's able to handle anything Caleb's afraid of. He's a big God. Then I prayed, and my sweet boy nodded his head the whole time in agreement. When I was finished I said I believe Jesus is going to bless you with an awesome nights rest and good dreams. He said 'me too.'

It was a good moment for me to lead my boy to experience Christ instead of pushing his fears aside. Because in his head those fears are really big. But in my life I've seen how no matter how big the problem, Christ is bigger.

My biggest hope is that my kids experience that too. It's not that they have the best of everything available but that they live in the knowledge of Jesus being a radical guy who is still asking us to live radically with him. I trust that if they are loving Jesus they're getting the best. So ultimately I do want what's best for my kids, it just looks a little different and my decision making process has to reflect that.

Matthew 7:9-11

Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you then, as bad as you are, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!