Let's talk about adoption

I've been so caught up in my own anxious excitement about 'the call' that I haven't paid close attention to how my kiddos have been thinking and feeling about it. They've been really sweet and have talked about her at random times.

Nathan goes to a co-op preschool, on Wednesday I was working in the classroom and every time a new kid would come into the quiet room to play he would tell them that he is going to have new baby and that he loves her:)

Last night, my nephew Seth was over and the boys were playing in their bedroom then I hear Caleb say "Seth, let's go sit on the couch and talk about adoption." Seth obliges him and they come into the living room. Caleb proceeds to ask him questions about what Seth thinks we should name our new baby and such. It was very cute.

Tonight, when it was time for bed Caleb said 'I'm going to go brush my teeth and then we can talk about adoption then it's time to hit the sack.' I was laying down with Nathan, who had also just asked me if his new baby would be the same color as Micah but a different baby, when Caleb climbed into his bed:

"Dad let's talk about adoption...what do you think our baby will be like? Is she going to be beautiful? Is she going to have a heart that loves God? What should we name her?"

Amazingly, that was the first time I cried today! My boys are so sweet and are also so ready for this baby to come home. At the very least, to know who she is and know what she looks like. Come on Christy call already!!

I think Addie's ready too. She's been talking about her baby sista lately and she's always loved carrying her babies around. Most importantly, she's no longer being a brute to baby Micah and just loves to kiss him and hold him.

By the way, we have a hard time talking about baby names when Nathan is in the room because he wants to name her "Everything" and his voice is the loudest in the house and he's the most passionate so, it's difficult to throw other ideas out there when he's around!

Being #1 is great but I've been struggling with disappoint on a daily basis when we don't get the call. My sister, Jennifer, emailed me a verse that I've been clinging to. She was encouraged by it when she was overdue with her lovely daughter, Alex.

Isaiah 30:18

Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you;

He rises to show you compassion.

For the Lord is a God of justice.

Blessed are all who wait on Him.

I've too been so encouraged by this verse. The Lord is completely in charge and He's an amazing God who loves me and has compassion on me so......I can wait patiently and know that it's all good!!!

NUMBER 1

Christina and Damion received 'the call' yesterday and they are right above us on the list, so that means that we are.......NUMBER 1.

I'm so excited and so nervous. Every time the phone rings I think it's 'the call.' I was really hoping it was going to be today....but it doesn't look like it since it's already 5:00.

And the waiting continues....I'll keep you posted:)

Adoption Facts

This is an awesome video!

I cried watching it. The stats on how many orphans there are out there are incredible. The call for Christians to do something about it is awesome. I can say as far as the people around me go....My circle is doing something about it by blessing our family. Thanks to all of you who have prayed and supported us financially. You truly amaze me! Thanks.

Ggggucky feelings and Trusting Him

So, I've been a little emotional the last couple of days.....It showed itself first in being highly aggrevated in situations I normally would have blown off, then escalated to crying in the produce section of Costco. I just ignored the irratitableness (and by ignore I mean blamed other people) but when I'm crying I public I have no choice but to look at myself.

Let me tell you, I've been doing way better with the adoption process than I thought. I was prepared to be a mess and to cry all the time. But I haven't. I really have been emotionally stable, and anyone in my family can tell you that's not normal! It's now starting to get to me. This process is hard. Maybe I've written that before...maybe I only blog about it being hard, if that's the case then this is my way of venting and most of the time I'm okay and I do think adoption is amazing!

I think getting our updated number set me off. I don't want to be #5 or #1 or even have my referral. I just want to be with my daughter! I know I should be happy with #5, but in all honesty I'm not. There's a baby who needs her mama and I want her now!

Today I was listening to a Rich Mullins song, it goes a little something like this:

~There's bound to be some troubles in your life, Reach out to Jesus and hold on tight~

Then lots of tears, some uncontrollable shaking of the shoulders....I realized yet another way that the adoption process is so hard for me. For my bio children I never missed one really hard thing in their little lives. Now I have a baby who is going through the probably the hardest thing in her little life and I can't be a part of it. She's losing her family. Yes, she's gaining another one but she's going through such a tough time and I'm not with her. I don't even know her yet. This makes me feel...gggucky (it's the term for the sad gut feeling I have).

Also, on this same song note: I realized that my new daughter really isn't my own. She is the Lord's and I need to trust Him to take care of her. I learned this with my bio children but I had way more time to learn it. With Caleb it really sank in when he was hospitalized with rotovirus at 16 months, with Nathan it was his first week of life being diagnosed with glactosemia, and I think the learning just seeped over from the other two for Addie:) Anyway, I have to give my baby who I don't really have yet over to the Lord and He will care for her because He loves her more than I do. I'm sure none of that makes sense to anyone but me. But it feels good to get it out so there...it's out.

Note: I started writing this last week. I'm feeling way better now:) And we're unofficially #3!

Numero 5

We got our September update call from our caseworker on Thursday. I had been going crazy waiting for it all week so it was good to finally hear from her. Last month we were #9 on the girls' list and for some reason, I wanted to be really low on the list so when she told me we were #6, I wasn't as excited as I should have been.

Then a couple of hours later she emailed me an update saying that a referral went out earlier that day and we are now #5! It was exciting for me to hear that things are moving. So, yay, #5!

Hey mom, addie loves u!

When I walked into the house tonight (after going to a late movie with the girls), this message was left for me right in the doorway. Hey Mom addie loves u.

I was struck, not by what he wrote but, that my baby boy is writting me notes. Caleb is starting Kindergarten next week and I'm so excited for him because I think he'll love it, but I'm also so sad that he's getting to be so old.

I have a feeling this note tells me a lot about their bedtime routine without me. It sounds like Addie never recovered from my departure. Her attachment to me makes me a little concerned about leaving her when we go to Ethiopia. Hopefully she'll do better then!

Everyone's asleep now so it's all good and I have a cute note from my boy:)